I was drawn to a post by a girl on Facebook in a public group, in which she said that she had a sister who was three years younger than her. She had been subjected to a painful emotional shock that had caused her to fall into a state of depression and had changed the course of her entire life because she had fallen in love with a young man and thought that he reciprocated her feelings until he confessed his love to her co-worker. In her post, the girl wonders if there is something she can do for her sister so that she can forget one-sided love, get out of the painful situation, and continue her life normally. 

And you, my dear, have you gone through this harsh experience or has any of your family members gone through it? If your sister is going through emotional trauma, share our article with her so that she can learn to forget one-sided love and get over it once and for all.

How do you get over someone you haven't dated? How does one-sided love happen? 

You may know, my butterfly, that forgetting someone you have separated from is difficult, but you do not know that forgetting one-sided love and getting over someone you have never dated is much more difficult!! 

Most of us have gone through this difficult experience. The pain of one-sided love is difficult and is accompanied by many chaotic feelings unanswered questions, and “what ifs” that stick in your mind and make you feel heartbroken, disappointed, and confused.

Clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff says: “It can be difficult to forget one-sided love because we cling to the illusion that this person was “perfect” for us and we will live with them happily ever after.

In this article, we will learn about the concept of unrequited love, and why it is more difficult to get over it than a relationship of mutual love. We will provide tips developed by a relationship expert to help you forget one-sided love and get over the person you have never dated.

One-sided Love Concept

One-sided love occurs when you care about a person and have feelings for him, but this person you like does not know that you love him, or he knows but does not feel the same way, or he is already in love with another person, and the person may have behaved in a casual manner that he considers natural, but you understood it as flirtation and it evolved into love, and in some cases the love may be mutual, but the circumstances, place and time are not on your side.  

One-sided love is characterized by the following:

Infatuation 

Infatuation occurs when you become obsessed with a person, constantly thinking about him, always talking about him, trying to appear your best, beautifying yourself in his eyes, and imagining your future with him.

Over Analysis

One-sided love pushes you to analyze every look, word, situation, or message your favorite person sends you, hoping that you will find a hidden meaning in it. Sometimes the smallest affection from him is as if it were a confession of love to you.

Wishful thinking

Here you cannot stop yourself from thinking about what would have happened if he had confessed, and imagine how much happiness you would feel when you were with him.

One-sidedness relationship

Of course, you will be in a one-sided relationship, when the other person does not know how you feel about him, where you offer much more attention and affection than he gives you.

Dr. Romanoff says this dynamic can be unhealthy if you're constantly compromising for him and trying to win his love, while the other party takes you for granted, without the slightest appreciation for your efforts or reciprocation.

Comparisons 

One-sided love pushes you to constantly compare yourself with others, to discover what the person you like prefers, and this may cause a lot of problems and confusion for you.

Self-doubt

A person who suffers from one-sided love begins to doubt his worth, feels insecure, and most of the time remains wondering: Why doesn't my favorite person love me? What am I missing and why am I not enough?

Heartache

One-sided love leads to heartache and a feeling of extreme disappointment, and the closest description of this situation, my dear, is that you have a favorite piece of candy, but you cannot touch it. You can see it and smell it, but you cannot taste it.  

Read this article to find out the reasons behind this pain caused by one-sided love and how you can deal with it.

Reasons Why it is Difficult to Overcome One-sided Love

You may be wondering: We have never actually dated, and he has not confessed to me, does not return my feelings of love and care, and has not done anything significant for me. So why do I find it difficult to get over one-sided love?

After all, how can I end something that never really had a beginning? How can I get over someone I've never dated before?

Here we will mention some of the reasons that make skipping difficult:

Fear of Regrets

It can be difficult to forget about one-sided love, to give up all the time, emotional effort, energy, and time you invested in your relationship with this person, and to be convinced that there is nothing between you and him.

You may feel afraid and regretful about leaving everything behind.

Idealization

Think with me, my friend! When you are dating someone, you will see him up close and know his faults, and perhaps you will discover reasons for your incompatibility with each other. This will make separation a possible logical solution. However, when you are not dating the person and only observe him from a distance, you will create an ideal image of him in your imagination, and you are satisfied with it, without distinguishing between who the person in front of you is and who you want him to be, and thus it becomes difficult to overcome and forget one-sided love. 

“It can be difficult to let go of this illusion of perfection,” says Dr. Romanoff.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff also says: “One-sided love may be heartbreaking, because the other party you love will remain an ideal fantasy, and you will rarely discover his faults or humanity.”

No closure 

Separation is indeed a coercive and brutal matter, but it is one of the most important factors that helps in forgetting one-sided love. It provides a clear end for both parties and makes both parties realize that everything between them is over. Such a big fight can give both parties an opportunity and an incentive to withdraw from the relationship.

With the fact that there will be no separation because you were not related to him in the first place, my friend! There will be no clear ending, and you will find yourself in a continuous cycle of daydreaming and thinking about what could happen, so the phrase “what if” becomes repeated on your tongue before every thought or hope that might happen. It comes to your mind, and your delicate feelings become suspended in oblivion.

Hope

Hope forces you to hold on to the idea that something could happen between you one day, and it is a great emotion that can create a great emotional connection and attachment, which makes forgetting one-sided love a difficult idea!

Loneliness

Just as everyone is afraid of loneliness, you may be afraid of the idea of loneliness, and fear that if you stay away from this person, you will not find another person to whom you feel the same way. 

The most difficult thing is for this person to be an important source of support in your life or your social circle of acquaintances! Here, if you set boundaries and cut ties with him, you will feel as if you have lost much more than just an imaginary lover or potential partner, and here comes the difficulty of forgetting one-sided love! 

The Thrill of the Chase

Forgetting about one-sided love and letting people go can torment you more because you feel like you "lost" more than you miss them.

“Sometimes we become obsessed with chasing unrequited love or unavailable partners, and in these cases, it's often more about the thrill of the chase than actually wanting to be with the person,” says Dr. Sabrina Romanoff.

The Time Required to Be Able to Forget One-sided Love

Studies conducted in 2021 indicated that unrequited love lasts approximately 11 to 17 months, no more. 

But in my opinion, the time required to overcome and forget one-sided love varies from one person to another, depending on the degree of love for this person whom you have never dated and the extent of your attachment to him. The deeper your feelings for him, the more time, energy, and effort you put into your relationship with him, and this leads to an increase in the length of time you need to get over the relationship. 

Mostly, forgetting one-sided love takes longer to heal, because you didn't take the chance to see the faults, negatives, and things you don't like in the other person and hold on to the ideal version you want him to be in your head. 

Having a clear ending, whether through a face-to-face conversation or a letter, as well as the presence of family, friends, and strong support, is a quick way to move on, speed up the healing process, and forget about one-sided love.

In the end, it all depends on you and your desire to move forward and overcome, my butterfly. If you can abandon a person who is not yours, you can open new doors for other people in your life and overcome this love.

Ways to Forget One-sided Love

Getting over unrequited love with someone you have never dated is indeed very difficult! But this is something you should not stop at. Rather, you should move forward and over time you will find a healthy relationship with someone you deserve. And because we care about you and your mental health, here are some strategies and plans that can help you forget about one-sided love and move on:

Self-Reflection

You have to spend some time with yourself, to discover the reason for your attachment to this person and why you face such a big problem in forgetting one-sided love and moving on. The answers can be strange and far beyond what you imagine! 

Some psychology experts recommend that you think about how you are attached and attracted to the idea of having an imaginary, unavailable partner, and link it to the trauma that you were unable to resolve, perhaps you can resolve it.

Accepting and Processing 

You must accept your reality as it is, even if that means giving up on the idea of your eternal happiness and perfect life with your imaginary partner! And you begin your steps towards forgetting one-sided love. 

We know that you admire the potential of this person and that he means a lot to you, and you imagine him as a life partner, who shares your thoughts deeply and shares the future that you dreamed of for yourself, but we want you to remind yourself that you can live these moments and have all these advantages with someone who appreciates you and shares these feelings with you and wants to be with you. Why waste your time thinking about an imaginary person?

We realize that letting go is a difficult matter, and it is not an easy thing, it will lead to a feeling of frustration, disappointment, remorse, and anger, but these feelings are temporary and you will get over them with time. Give yourself enough time to feel all the feelings, get through the stages, and treat yourself.

Self-Care

While you are going through this experience, take care of your physical and mental health, that is, do things that bring you relaxation, a feeling of accomplishment, happiness, and mental peace. You can think about practicing yoga, dancing, drawing, baking sweets, exercising, and most importantly, spending time with people who love you and want your happiness. 

Establishing a consistent daily health routine can help you feel in control and stable in your life.

Go to work and various places and increase your exposure to new people and experiences. This may be embarrassing and frightening for you, but trust us, it will be a big and important step for you to be able to forget one-sided love!

Setting Boundaries

If you see this person every day, for example, at work or school, and interact with him constantly, this will remind you of the hope you lost and the disappointment you felt, so you must put some distance between you and some boundaries, to protect yourself, and be able to forget about one-sided love. 

You can follow the “no contact” plan, to create emotional distance in your relationship with him. This plan stipulates not to call or write to him for any reason, not to hang out with him, and to prevent yourself from monitoring his news on social networking sites, because every time you communicate with him If you talk, meet him, or see something about him, you will return to the cycle of love and desire for him, and this is not what we want! Because here it is like peeling the scab off a wound over and over again and denouncing its failure to heal.

If you can't stop yourself from following him, unfollow him on social media, at least for now.

Set up a preferences list

Clarifying and understanding what you want in your future partner is one of the most important ways to be able to forget one-sided love and move on. Make three columns, and put in the first column the things and qualities that should be present in your partner, and in the second column put the things that you want your ideal partner to have, and in the third column the things whose presence in the partner can add elegance and beauty to the relationship, and this last list is not important.

Create an ideal version of yourself

Go back to the list of preferences you made, and ask yourself: How can I become this person? How do I improve myself? Put all your energies into trying to become a better version of yourself so that confidence continues to accompany you in all your relationships.

Writing a diary

You may feel lonely because you cannot share your thoughts and feelings with others for fear of their ridicule. The diary comes to be a friend of your stories and adventures. You can write down everything you think about, such as the feelings you have for someone who does not share these feelings. Writing a diary allows you to write down thoughts and feelings and read them to help you think about them, process them, and get over and forget one-sided love.

Being busy doing the things you love

You have to stay busy, to prevent yourself from getting tempted and thinking about what could have happened. Make plans so that you have something fun to do, such as practicing hobbies like drawing and singing.

Also, spend time with your favorite people who make you laugh. Go with them to watch your favorite comedy movie.

Listening to songs

You can create a music playlist called “Moving Forward” and put all your favorite songs that make you feel strong and hopeful in it. You can also do the opposite! That is, put sad songs that make you burst into tears so that you can vent your anger and express what is inside you. This helps you get over unrequited love.

Give a new chance

When the time is right and you are ready, open your heart and make room for new relationships, you can create a dating profile or let your friends know that you want to date. 

It can be strange to date someone other than the person in your imagination, but it is an effective way to remind you of reality, and that there are other people you can date. 

Dating may be misused and considered only as a means of distraction, but this hurts the other party, so you should date when you are ready to open your heart, to find someone who shares your values and gives you his time and attention.

Rebuild your self-confidence

Think about the advantages you have that you like about yourself. What are you good at and distinguished by? Each of us has strengths that distinguish us from other people. If you find it difficult to find your strengths, seek the help of a friend or family member to tell you about your advantages and why you are special, and this will contribute to restoring your self-confidence.

Seeking Support

Get close to your friends and family and communicate with them to spend time together. When you spend your time with them, you will feel and remember that you are loved and that you have people to take care of you.

You can look for someone you trust to share your feelings with and let him know that you need to vent your inner self and need advice and solutions. 

If you want to solve your problem in secret, in isolation, contact your healthcare provider or go to a psychologist, who can help you explore what you are feeling and move beyond one-sided love.

Contentment and respect for the decision

It is painful, but you, my friend, must respect the other party's decision. As much as your feelings are important, other people's feelings are also important. Give him some space and also take care of yourself so that you are ready when the right person you deserve comes along.

Treating depression

After going through all the disappointments and sadness over someone you never dated, you may be experiencing depression, and you may be wondering: How do I know if I have depression? 

You may have depression if you notice changes in sleep, appetite, and mood every day for two weeks in a row. It is best to go to a caregiver or a specialized psychiatrist to treat these symptoms before they develop.

The Necessary of Seeking Specialized Assistance

You should seek advice from your caregiver or a specialist psychiatrist and make an appointment with him, if: 

• It has become difficult to think about other things
• Thoughts of love have become the only thing you think about that distracts you from your duties
• You notice a change in your appetite, eating habits, and sleeping habits
• Your weight changes
• You are no longer able to enjoy life 

Remember, my butterfly! Although it may be heartbreaking, you must accept the truth and be honest with yourself that this relationship will not happen! This guy will not date you, and instead of focusing on what could have been, focus on what could be and make it a reality.

I am fully confident that one day you will find the right person for you, and it will be worth your patience, effort, and time! So be patient!

FAQ's about One-sided Love

What is the meaning of one-sided love?

One-sided love means that you love a person, care for him, and watch him without him returning your feelings of love and care.

How long does it take for me to forget one-sided love?

Studies conducted in 2021 indicated that one-sided love lasts approximately 11 to 17 months, no more.

When should I seek psychological counseling when I suffer from unrequited love?

You should consult a doctor if thoughts of love become the only thing you think about and distract you from performing your duties, and you notice a change in your appetite, eating habits, and sleeping habits, and your weight changes, and you become unable to enjoy life.

How can I forget one-sided love?

Self-reflection, self-care, cutting off your relationship with the person, preoccupying yourself with things you love, seeking support from family and friends, and consulting a psychiatrist.

Written by: Haidy Soliman

Translated by: Ph. Marah Mohamad

Sources:

Wikihow

Marriage.com

Choosing therapy

Very well mind